Have a good Holliday!

Man, there are a lot of weird things going on this sign. My post’s title gives away the punchline — the word “holiday” has obviously been misspelled — but the more I look at this note the weirder it becomes.

First of all, it’s a handwritten note that uses fourteen different fonts. I mean, seriously. I’ve seen fewer fonts on ransom notes. For example, while the letter “E” in “We” looks relatively normal, you’ve got that “E” in “closed” that’s twice as wide as any other letter, and the “E” in the second “We” is the only letter written in cursive. The note seems to be written using calligraphy, except for the word “and”. It’s just sitting there, all tiny and ugly. Every other word in the note was carefully crafted. Just look at those hanging letter “Y”s with their cute little hooks. The only thing missing here is a letter “I” with a heart over it. And yet the word “and” just jumps out at you. It’s like half the size of all the other letters. And what’s up with that weird subscript “T” hanging off of “Thank you”? It’s almost like sarcasm. It’s like, less than a capital “T”, or even less than a regular “T”. It’s like the opposite of “Thank You,” in a way. Man, the more I read it, the more I think whoever wrote this note is schizophrenic.

And then there’s July 6th. The restaurant will “be closed on July 4 and 5” and will “be reopen on July 7.” I feel like the goofy “be reopen on” typo is a herring to throw you off of the real problem here — what the hell is everybody doing on July 6? I forget if this is the year of the Rat or Chicken or whatever but I’m wondering if it doesn’t only have 364 days in it. Don’t you kind of get the feeling that something kickass is happening on July 6th that we’re not invited to? How am I supposed to have a good Holliday while thinking about that???