"Round up the usual suspects." -Capt. Louis Renault

Who didn’t see this coming? (Bigfoot body a hoax.)

(Culled and plagiarized from multiple online news sources.)

The body of a supposed ape-man found in the North Georgia mountains was nothing but an empty rubber monkey suit embedded in ice, according to California Bigfoot enthusiasts who finally got a chance to examine it last weekend. The two Atlanta men who stood up at a news conference in California last week and tried to convince the world they had found Bigfoot now apparently can’t be located — just like the real Bigfoot.

Searching for Bigfoot Inc., the California outfit that paid $50,000 to Whitton and Dyer for rights to their story and their find, says the pair checked out of the hotel where they had been put up over the weekend. According to a news release on Searching for Bigfoot’s Web site, the whole scam unraveled when a block of ice containing the “body” melted over the weekend. Whitton and Dyer later confessed that it was just a costume, according to the release.

After hours of waiting for the block of ice to thaw, a dark patch of hair emerged. Steve Kulls, executive director of Squatchdetective.com, told Fox that he extracted a hair sample and burned it. It was apparently made of synthetic fibers and “melted into a ball uncharacteristic of hair,” Kulls said. An hour later, the group’s fears were confirmed when further melting revealed a rubber foot.

What is certain is that Whitton, 28, on medical leave after being shot in the wrist by a robbery suspect earlier this year, won’t be going back to work at the Clayton County Police Department. As soon as he heard Whitton’s Bigfoot was a big fake, “I terminated him,” said Police Chief Jeffrey Turner said Tuesday. “He’s disgraced himself, he’s an embarrassment to the Clayton County Police Department, his credibility and integrity as an officer is gone, and I have no use for him,” Turner said. “His behavior is unbecoming of that of a police officer.”

Not everyone is upset about the news of the hoax. The Bigfoot “body” is thought to be a $450 Sasquatch costume from online costume retailer TheHorrorDome.com. Owner Jerry Parrino declined to release any numbers, but said business has been good. “Sales of our Sasquatch costume have gone up,” he said.

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