"If there's a hell, I'm one step closer to it." -Alice Cooper, "Time to Kill"

We Ain’t Afraid of No Ghosts

Thursday, I received my first official assignment. An employee reported a rogue (unapproved) Wireless Access Point (WAP) in one of the buildings here at work. It is my department’s job to verify those types of claims and, if necessary, confiscate the WAP.

To find a WAP (like a wireless router), we use a laptop with a wireless card and an external antenna. The antenna is y-shaped with dozens of spikes sticking out all over it. It looks like a cross between an old UHF antenna you might see on top of a house, the flux capacitor from Back to the Future, and barbed wire. Combined, the end result looks like a very high-tech (and slightly dangerous) back scratcher. The antenna is directional, so depending on which way you point it you can tell the strength of the wireless signal. Even from outside a building we could get a general idea of the floor and vicinity of any wireless routers.

Three of us went on this particular adventue. As we entered the building in question, two ladies outside smoking watched us enter the building with wide eyes. After the other two guys (who were holding the laptop and antenna) entered, I stepped back outside and, with a straight face, asked the ladies:

“You two haven’t experienced any paranormal activity recently, have you?”

They shook their heads slowly and silently, never taking their eyes off of me. “Great. Let me know if you do,” I said, and walked in the building rapidly to catch up with my counterparts.

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5 comments to We Ain’t Afraid of No Ghosts

  • Stephen B

    Haha. Classic.

  • Zeno

    “We came. We saw. We blocked its IP!”

  • dean

    Man at Elevator: What are you supposed to be, some kind of a cosmonaut?
    Flack: No, we’re exterminators. Someone saw a cockroach up on twelve.
    Man at Elevator: That’s gotta be some cockroach.
    Flack: Bite your head off, man. [Entering elevator] Going up?
    Man at Elevator: I’ll take the next one.

  • You know what’s going to happen now. Someone’s gonna call Coast-to-Coast AM (most likely one of the two ladies you saw) and report that the FAA has some sort of paranormal experts on the payroll. The FAA, of course, is gonna deny it and then there will be cries of “COVER UP! CONSPIRACY!” Before long there will be human sacrifice, cats and dogs, living together. Mass hysteria!

    In the meantime you’ll be in your office, having a little chuckle. Happy now?

    Actually, to be honest, I’ll be chuckling too.

    Anyway, what you did was hilarious.

  • Like Ron Howard in ‘Citizens Band’!