A Lot of Generic Cereal!

You may or may not remember this picture I posted last year:

I don’t know. Would you prefer a bowl of “Marshmallows & Stars” or “Cocoa Peanut Butter Spheres”? Why are generic breakfast cereals so funny to me? As Pee-Wee Herman would say … I. DON’T. KNOW! Here are several others I found over the weekend while perusing the local Dollar General store. Hopefully by the end of this post, I’ll have it all out of my system.

What do you get when you take a box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch and remove the mascot (“Chef Wendell”) and all color from the box? Why, you get Cinnamon Mini Squares!

If you’re a fan of Rice Crispies, perhaps you would prefer a big bowl of Crispy Rice! Unfortunately due to budgetary cutbacks, Snap, Crackle and Pop have been replaced by … slices of fruit.

Post’s Shredded Wheat, which is frosted, has now become Frosted Shredded Wheat. As you can see on the box, this is the “Bite Size” edition. The “these are too big to fit in your mouth” edition did not sell well.

“It’s a Honey of an O, it’s Honey Nut Cheerios!” Actually, it’s not. It’s Honey Nut Toasted Oats, which is close, but without the all the fun. Or trademarked name.

If they’re fruit-flavored loops, it’s got to be Fruit Loops, right? Wrong. They’re Tootie Fruities. At least they got a little creative with the name. Almost.

“Ahoy there, Mateys! It is I, Cap’n Crunch! If ye like my Crunch Berries cereal, yer sure to love this skallywag’s version, Berry Colossal Crunch.”

Kellogg’s Frosted Mini Wheats is a trademarked product. Frosted Mini “Spooners”, however, was up for grabs. What are spooners? Why, they’re things you can eat with a spoon! Did you even look at the picture? Duh!

As a kid, I loved Cocoa Krispies. The generic version is Cocoa Dyno-Bites. If ever a product could have used Jimmy Walker as a spokesman, this is the one. “Cocoa Dyno-Bites are DY-NO-MITE!”

And finally, if you love Kellogg’s Frosted Flakes, you’ll love … okay, come on. They’re not even trying now.

Okay. I think I got it out of my system … for now.

2 comments to A Lot of Generic Cereal!

  • bigdaddychester

    mmmmm love the Berry Colossal Crunch

  • Don’t knock the Cocoa PB Spheres, man. There’s a store not too far from my house that carries a lot of these Millville generic cereals, and I used to pick those up all the time. The reason I stopped buying them – or going to that store, for that matter – boils down to… let’s just say… a lax attitude toward sell-by dates on perishable products. They seemed to think it was more of a general guideline than a hard-and-fast rule.

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