Squirrel Hunter/Killer

I was okay with our cohabitation for a while. Had they chosen to live quietly in the attic instead of continually waking us up in the middle of the night with their scratching and rummaging, we could have remained housemates for some time. Unfortunately for them, this will not is not the case. One of us has to go, and it’s not going to be me.

(Famous last words, right?)

After taking a public beating due to my prior critter removal efforts (although in my defense, poisoning a possum works really well), I decided to take the more civil route this time by shotting the squirrel in the head with a pellet gun. Wait, is that more civil? I get confused. Using a pellet gun on loan from dad I scoured the attic for my little fluffy friend. Fortunately for both of us, he was either away on an errand or had the common sense to lay low. No stuffed squirrel so far, I’m afraid.

Plan B involves a squirrel trap, purchased this weekend at Lowe’s for around $20. The cage advertised “no assembly required” and came with only three illustrations on how to set the trap, which made my inability to set the trap all the more frustrating. The trip was later confirmed working when I caught my arm in it. The bait, a cracker with peanut butter, was placed in the trap and the whole thing was moved up to the attic.

The trap does not kill the vermin; it merely captures it and holds it. Disposal methods are left to the homeowner. A quick Google search turned up all kinds of recommendations, from drowning them in a trash can full of water to freezing them in your freezer (with my luck, he’d just eat all the frozen pizzas and hibernate in there). One thing that is stressed on all these sites is that you cannot simply turn them loose, as they will return. There are reports of squirrels returning up to 25 miles to a nest. If the choice comes down to driving the squirrel more than 25 miles away or putting it down, well, ask the possum how that one will turn out.

As small as this guy is, I suspect the battle will be over soon. What could possibly go wrong, right?