Life’s Too Short to Wear Underwear You Don’t Love

I recently read that most adult males keep pairs of underwear for, on average, seven years.

When I look at the underwear in my drawers it’s hard to remember how long I’ve owned them. Unlike larger purchases like houses and cars, I don’t think most people — or at least I don’t — have a good frame of reference as to when any particular pair was purchased. They don’t change models each year.

I didn’t keep the receipt.

I’m pretty sure all the underwear I currently own I also owned in our previous house. Some of them I owned in the house before that, which we purchased in 1998. If that seven-year average is to be believed, there must be people out there who wear their underwear once and then throw them away.

About three months ago, Susan bought me a three-pack of Hanes boxers. According to the package, they contain advanced wicking technology designed to keep my butt cooler and less sweaty. The thought of my underwear containing advanced technology of any sort entertains me. Somewhere at work we have an infrared thermometer gun and I have considered setting up a controlled comparison to see if the latest breakthrough in wicking technology is measurable.

My weakness is that I frequently choose quantity over quality. I swore that after I added three new pairs of underwear to my wardrobe, I would get rid of the three oldest ones. It’s not tough to tell which are the oldest. They’re literally falling apart. But I didn’t throw them away, because 13 pairs are better than 10, even if you don’t wear most of them.

Last week while Susan was out of town I went online in search of more underwear. I made a pact with myself — if I bought enough of them, I would get rid of the old ones. After an hour of searching online, I found the exact same ones Susan had purchased. It was easy to confirm they were the same ones Susan had purchased. They’re black, they’re Hayes, and they come with advanced wicking technology.

They’re also roughly $17 per 3/pack. I ordered three packs of three packs. Nine new pair of underwear, for close to $50. At first that sounded ridiculous, but then I did the math. If I keep each pair for seven years, they’ll cost me $0.0023 per day. Based on past history, I’m liable to keep them even longer.

I pulled all the old ones out of my drawer and intended to throw them away, but I didn’t. Instead I put them on the bed in a pile. I considered donating them to a thrift store, but I can’t imagine anyone would want them. I don’t want them, and I own them! When Susan came home from her trip, she put them back in the laundry. As they come through this time, I’ll toss them out.

I must say, the new pairs of underwear is very enjoyable. I own the only black boxers in the house, so spotting them as they come through the laundry is very simple. They don’t have any holes in them that didn’t come from the manufacturer, so that’s nice.

Life’s too short to wear underwear you don’t love.

Next month, I’m going to treat myself to some new socks.

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2 comments to Life’s Too Short to Wear Underwear You Don’t Love

  • Hoose

    Lol, I needed this on a Monday morning. For reference, once mine acquire non factory produced holes – away with them!

  • Charles Pearson

    Only 13? I have at least thirty pairs so I don’t have to wash them more than once a month. Yes, I’m single, why do you ask? ;)

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