Heavy Metal (Chair) Fishing

A few days before Santa came to visit, the winter storm that made its way across the country arrived in Oklahoma. In February of 2021 Oklahoma set records with the coldest 2-day and 3-day periods with averages of -0.1 degrees and 2.1 degrees, but we weren’t far from that last Thursday with single digit temperatures even before factoring in the wind chill.

Along with the cold came wind, which promptly removed our pool cover and crumpled it into a ball. To keep the pool’s filter from freezing we run the system year round with the heater turned on; without the cover in place, the steam rising from the water into the cold winter air literally represents dollar bills.

With two layers of clothes, a winter cap and a pair of leather gloves, I braved the cold to uncrumple the liner and re-cover the pool. The liner stayed in place for about 30 seconds; the next strong gust of wind came along and blew the cover off again. On my second attempt, I dragged some of our heavier patio chairs over to weigh down the end of the tarp. This also failed; the next gust of wind blew the tarp out from under the chair and again into the water.

At this point I was forced to regroup as my gloves had become wet and were instantly freezing to everything I touched. After thawing out inside for a few minutes I remembered that one end of the tarp had tie down straps. By tying the straps to the furniture, I thought the cover would stay in place. Once I could feel my face again I returned to the backyard and quickly wrapped one of the straps around the heavy metal chair.

The next gust of wind sent the cover up into the air and promptly pulled the chair into the deep end of the pool.

Doubting the wind could topple an entire bench, I attaching the other corner of the tarp to it using two straps. The next strong gust ripped the corner right off the tarp before sending it back into the water. After that I gave up on covering the pool as my mind changed gears. Now all I could think about was how was I going to remove a heavy chair from the deep end of the pool?

A few hours later I turned to social media for suggestions, and god help me I should know by now what a waste of time that was going to be. Half of the comments were ridiculous and the other half were well-intentioned by useless. Removing the water and replacing it with mercury (which would cause the chair to float) was ridiculous. Using the pool’s vacuum to lift the chair out of the water is useless. I’ve watched our pool cleaner struggle to pick up leaves from time to time. The thought of it magically dragging a heavy chair up and out of the pool is beyond wishful thinking.

The most logical plan of attack involved somehow attaching a rope or chain to the chair and then pulling it up. One of the more interesting suggestions involved using a river fishing magnet to lift the chair out of pool. Unfortunately, the chairs appear to be aluminum and not iron, making them non-magnetic. My dad suggested attaching a winch to the bed of his truck, backing up over the edge of the pool, and pulling it up. My mom’s husband suggested attacking a C-clamp to the end of a rope, hooking the arm of the chair, and pulling it up. I was starting to feel like Wile E. Coyote with all these plans!

A couple of days later, Mason casually informed me the chair had been removed from the pool. While the rest of us were away, Mason dove into the 65F water, threw the chair over his shoulder, and somehow got it to the surface and out of the water. Sometimes the simplest plan works, even if it happens to also be the coldest.

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