My Patrick Ewing Shoes.

My life has changed a lot over the past decade. In 1994 I had recently dropped out of college and moved in with my girlfriend (who would later become my wife). With school on hold and no career in sight, the two of us spent our days working for her mother at a makeshift BBQ stand, pulling down $5 an hour plus benefits. Actually, there was only one benefit — free food — but when you’re only making $5 an hour and trying to pay rent, it’s an important one.

One day while manning the stand, my wife and I got into a nasty spat. To be honest I can’t even remember what the fight was about, but I do remember how long being stuck for eight hours in a small BBQ stand seems when two people aren’t talking. For no other reason than to make the day more pleasant, we made amends and went on with our day.

My mother-in-law’s BBQ stand sat across the street from Old Paris Flea Market, a flea market which specializes in knives, knock-off cell phone cases and stolen stereo equipment. After work on the weekends my wife and I would often walk across the street to take a stroll around the flea market, looking for crap to buy.

That weekend (the weekend of the spat), we wandered into a fly-by-night shoe store, selling “name brand” (aka “fake”) tennis shoes. The entire left side of the booth was filled with shoes on display. The front half of the wall held white tennis shoes; the back half, black ones. Right in the middle where the black and white shoes met sat the ugliest pair of sneakers I have ever seen. In fact, when my wife spied them, she said, “those are the ugliest pair of sneakers I have ever seen.”

Immediately I turned to the Mexican shop owner and said, “do you have these in an 11?”

Never let it be said I don’t know how to hold a grudge after a fight.

So for a measly $19.95 I walked out of Old Paris Flea Market wearing quite possibly the ugliest pair of high tops ever made, the Patrick Ewing edition Nikes. The shoes consist of three colors, mixed together in equal parts: a royal purple, an emerald green, and the ugliest shade of mustard yellow known to man. The three colors shared real estate on the shoes equally — there was no one dominant color or highlights. When describing the shoes, all three colors must be mentioned; the shoes are purple, green and yellow.

And any time my wife and I would disagree on just about anything … out came the shoes. If I wanted to see a horror movie and she wanted to see a comedy? Out came the shoes. Tacos vs. burgers? Out came the shoes. For years it was my only bargaining power. “Don’t make me wear those shoes!” I’d threaten. That’s not to say I always got my way; sometimes, we ended up eating burgers and going to see comedies — and when we did, I always wore the shoes.

My wife, in for the long haul, decided to wait out the shoes, and she did. The “irregular” shoes came apart at the seams. A hole formed in the toe years ago and shortly after the heels of both shoes came loose, causing a flip/flap sound with each step. And yet, I kept the shoes — I never knew if I might need their bargaining power one last time.

Last night, my four-year-old son began learning about secrets. “Tell me a secret daddy,” he said. “Your mother eats bugs,” I whispered back. He giggled forever and screamed, “I CAN’T TELL YOU!” every time my wife asked him what the secret was. He only held out for a minute or two until spilling the beans to her. Then he ran back to me, wanting another secret.

“I bought a pair of shoes 12 years ago just to make your mother mad and I still have them,” I told him.

After telling my wife the secret, she looked at me and said, “no you don’t.” But aha, yes I did. Tucked away in the back of a file cabinet behind some papers sat the shoes. Even more stuffing is missing from them, the hole was bigger than I’d remembered and the flip/flap has become a FLIPPITY/FLAPPITY, but I still have the shoes.

My wife laughed in disbelief. My son’s only comment, “those are ugly.” Ah well, he is half his mother’s child, I suppose.

EDIT: I cannot believe I did not include a photo of the shoes. Here they are, in all their purple, green and golden glory.