A Favor: Please, do NOT get Murdered!

If you know me, I have a favor to ask of you: please, do not get murdered!

I’ve been following the Casey Anthony trial. For anyone in the dark, Casey’s two-year-old daughter Caylee was missing for a month before someone reported her missing to the police. Hey body was eventually found in a shallow grave with duct tape covering her mouth, not far from Casey’s home. Casey spent the month Caylee was missing dancing with friends in clubs and lying about, well, pretty much everything. She lied to her parents about where her kid was, she lied to her friends about where she was working, she lied to the police when they questioned her, and so on. If Casey Anthony had been charged for lying, she would most certainly get the death penalty.

But she’s not. She’s on trial for murdering her daughter — which, she now claims, accidentally drowned in a swimming pool, and was buried by Casey’s father (Caylee’s grandfather). That would be odd, as Casey’s father, a retired police officer, was one of the people who identified the smell coming from Casey’s trunk as “human decomposition”.

On to my point. The police have a child who (a) died, (b) was buried, (c) was found wrapped in her favorite Winnie the Pooh blanket, and (d) had duct tape over her mouth. They also have a mother who (a) is a habitual, compulsive liar, and (b) owns a car that smells like human decomposition and contains hair from her kid’s head (which an expert testified came from a decomposing corpse). While the authorities have a boat load (better yet, “trunk load”) of evidence, what they don’t have is a confession or a witness – and that’s making it difficult to say beyond a reasonable doubt that Casey Anthony murdered her two-year-old daughter.

As part of the investigation, investigators confiscated and searched Casey’s computer. In her cache, they found she had searched for how to make chloroform. She also searched for “neck breaking” techniques.

So again, I say to every last one of you: please do not get murdered. Why? Because I too have searched Google for how to make chloroform. (Actually I got confused and searched for how to make chlorophyll, which apparently unless you’re a plant, you can’t.) I have searched Google for how to build a silencer (out of curiosity; I don’t even own a gun!). I have a large collection of “true crime” books stored out in my garage. I have watched (and own) all the Faces of Death movies. I have even — gasp — played “Hitman,” a PlayStation game that has been described as a “murder simulator.” In fact, I just Googled “murder simulator” to confirm that fact.

If any of you ever get murdered, I am screwed.